The next day after making the exhibition it was time to take a day off from painting and just go out to greet the spring. And there it was waiting between buildings, through dirty windows, sweet and orange like the sun of those dreamy childhood summer nights. A new standard for light and haze.
I decided to check a nearby temple, Nishi Honganji (Wikipedia). Nothing happening and nothing needed. Some tourists scattered around the temple grounds, wondering the meaning of a human made space like that, looking lost like me. More plum flowers like small bells resonating with the sweet and orange. Again I found some pieces matching the images planted in my mind and I felt a little bit more whole and satisfied.
At the moment I have some worries about the practical side of life but I can find a deep meaning and a sense of destination and safety in completing the image burning in my head through work and wandering about. There's no cutting corners in getting to that image and I can hardly expect myself ever to feel like I'm on a right track or that I'm doing something else than just stumbling in shadows following some faint mirage. There is light and sometimes it hits us from between the buildings, through dirty windows.
Later that night at 4 am I woke up freezing and shaking out of control. Almost unbearable chills and violent shakes were a prelude for a fever that rose fast and I fell asleep into murkier visions.